Defiance

I don't surf the web at work, I don't catch up on my fav blogs or post make posts to my blog. From time to time Amy checks during the day... There is never anything new... The only thing I do at work is work... I work for "the man" and that's how he requires our day be spent - working. Today I had to come in early, something that generally leaves me bitter...so today, I am celebrating my bitterness with defiance ... In the most defiant stance my sleepy self can muster I am sitting hidden behind my monitor typing away via my iPhone..to you, my love (and anyone else reading) I say damn the man... Here is your at work post...

To the man I say- I fully expect to get paid for my time well spent not working

To my boss that just walked in with a puzzled look...uh...hmmm...hi?

blink blink blink

The baby is asleep, the dog is in bed, the kids are gone for the month and the wife is working out at the gym...and I am sitting here in bed with the laptop. No tv, no music, no lights just the blink blink blink of the curser. I have been away from blogland too long...I am cursing the curser for blinking, for not typing my thoughts as I think them. I am cursing my mind for not thinking thoughts. I have been in bed with a cold for a week. A horrible, mean cold that refused to leave. Now I sit, with undone tasks waiting for me, many of the tasks not even started. blink blink blink. Toys for the baby that need to be sanded...paintings that need to be painted...stories that need to be written...pictures that need to be taken, phone calls that need to be made...blink blink blink...

I am blaming this lack of posting post on being sick...Not much goes on during a week of no energy, of exploding head, of overwhelming congestion... other than the occasional "I think I'm dying" I have had no thoughts, no actions, no situations...no blog worthy stories...

tomorrow, dear blog - I will be better...tonight, blink, blink, blink

Sick

Very, very.

Overdue thought

Dear Wife,

I would like to apologize for the fact that sometimes I'm an ass. The only thing I can offer as a condolence to this fact is that sometimes, I am not.

always striving,
your wife.

Refusal

She feeds herself via her baby safe feeder. She chews on baby mum-mums. She drinks out of her sippy cup when she wants water. She tries to steel the spoon so she can feed herself babyfood.

She puts her arms behind her head and refuses to hold her bottle. Always.

A letter to Kahlo

Dear Kahlo,

I understand that Mommy is your other parent and as such, you two are extremely close. I understand that she stays home with you everyday while I leave for work. I understand that she changes your diaper more often than I do and that she feeds you, burps you and cuddles with you when ever you need. I understand that Mommy gives you baths and cuts your nails and lets your beautiful curls go wild. I understand that when you wake up at 5am Mommy is always right there to swoop you up. I understand that without mommy I would not have had the love and nurturing required to grow you 10 extra days and a very heavy 8lbs 7oz. I understand that every morning that you were in my belly, she told you she loved you and took the time to explain in what ways you should and should not develop that week. I understand that she has given you her stubborness and independence and that no one can capture the essence of who you are quite like she. I understand your bond, I love your bond.

I understand that Poppie came to see you while you were in my tummy as much as she could. I understand that she bought you the cute little Ani onsie that you looked so damn cute in. I understand that she (her wife also) is the only non immediate family member who saw you when you were minutes old, I understand she loved you instantly. I understand that she took care of your brother and sister so Mommy and I could take care of you the days following your birth. I understand that Poppie was the first person to ever babysit you and that she often offered her services unsolicited. I even understand that you and her share the same eye color...a special bond. I understand your bond, I love your bond.

While I do sincerely understand and respect all of these things, I need you to understand that I too would like to hear your first word.

so...when ever you are ready, I will be walking around the house all weekend dropping everything I can find in anticipation of "uh oh" ...

I love you always, beautiful baby,
Momma

the love between mother and child

My wife does not collect things, she does not hoard stuff. She has no knick-knacks, no must haves. She subscribes to the theory if you have not used something in the last 2 weeks, you do not need it She donates often. when a new toy comes in - an old toy goes out, when a new shirt comes in - an old shirt goes out. She is a minimalist - we are all minimalist by association.

There is a lone exception to this rule...books. Books are to be kept, loved, admired, respected, read and re-read.

Once, while browsing her books, she noticed one was missing. she looked everywhere. She searched. She hunted. She thought and thought. when all possible hiding places were exhausted, she cried. The missing book, was one of her top 20 favorite books. She was sad, very, very sad. And on top of sadness, she was disappointed...how could she have been so careless with a book...

She is not selfish with her books. They are there for all of us to read (as long as they are age appropriate). There are a few rules, no bending the spine back, please dont dog-ear the pages.

Yesterday Kahlo crawled over to the bookcase and pulled out a few books. She began to eat them. I expected Amy to yell no. I expected her to remove Kahlo from the situation. I expected her to cry a little. She didn't.

Instead of being protective she was actually pleased Kahlo had pulled out her favorite book. They were bonded...mommy and daughter had a love for the same literature. They pulled each and every book of the shelf, Amy oohed and aahed all her favorites, Kahlo drooled and bit. It was a beautiful site.

proof of unconditional love.

KahloWorld

Tonight, we decided to rent a movie and eat in front of the TV. By the time we were 11 minutes into the movie, we had already paused it three times.

It was one of those nights you realize life will never be the same. It wasn't a bad night - it was more of a ... "seriously? did she really just get poop ALL over herself and then decide to PEE ON ME!!!! " the answer - why yes she did.

Our 1.5 hour movie lasted about 3 hours. Three hours of pee, poop, bottle, squash, fussy, laughing,babbababababa and finally, with four minutes left...sleep!

a relaxing night watching a movie has turned into a full-blown-amusement-park-style-free-for-all-celebration-of-parenting... not what I had in mind - but fun just the same!!!

Kahlo + UglyDoll

domestication

A few moments ago I received this photo via e-mail from a friend of mine that had come over this past weekend. I fell in love with instantly! On this particular day, our friend had come over to talk photography with Amy. I spent most of the time removing the old kitchen faucet and installing a new one. Minutes before this photo a string of curse words effortlessly erupted from my face as I realized that I had not turned the water off, I had only turned the COLD water off.

Now, it is worth mentioning that our house is never this dirty. It is even more worth mentioning that Amy is a cleaning fanatic. To Amy, our house is filthy, to the world it sparkles. A pair of shoes in the living room can make her feel slightly insane, a dish in the sink can throw her over the edge. I have a routine with the kids on cleaning day...

"mommies going to clean, what are you going to do?"
them:"hide"
me:"yes, and if she asks for help, what are you going to do?"
them: "help"
me:"if she does not ask for help, what are you going to do?"
them:"hide"

now, in all fairness, I taught them this response. I find it funny. The kids and I laugh all day, Amy does not. Another note of fairness, she never forces us to clean, she is not irrational, she just requires sanitization.

back to the photo
I was struck by how filthy our house looks, how submissive Amy looks, how stern Kahlo looks. Its a stark contrast between our usually sparkling house, between Amy's fiercely independent personality, between our smiling baby.

I was shocked, that somehow I relate to this photo... this is not who we are, but it is who we are at times...

nap time

Changes

Our lives have changed drastically in the past year. Some changes were anticipated, some not. Some changes were small, others felt huge. We increased our family by one last August with the birth of Kahlo, we also decreased our income by one. Last summer before the birth of our daughter, Amy lost a parent. In the past year I lost a friend, not to tragedy, to a more fulfilled life for myself. This past year, Amy went back to school for the first time in many years – and I learned what it was like to be in school with a baby. I went from a very low-key and very far away job, to a not so low-key and very close job. Amy quit a high-stress, demanding job that kept her in touch with the world, on her lunch breaks she often went to the park and read. Now she is a stay at home mommy reading cardboard books and watching the kids play at the park while she feeds our ever hungry baby. Our son learned what it meant to be an older brother, our oldest daughter learned how to rebel. Amy and I learned how to exist on no sleep and a lot of stress. Kahlo learned how to sit, to crawl and to stand. We have gained weight, we have joined a gym, Amy has gone to the gym, I have thought about it. Our relationship has hit peaks and valleys, usually associated with the increase in stress and decrease in sleep. We slept with a baby in our room for 8 months. We reclaimed our room with passion a few weeks ago. I have been pregnant, hormonal, swollen and inpatient. Amy has been confused by my mood, over-worked and highly depended on. I have lost my art and am currently trying to find it. We are trying to eat better, to live more responsibly, to make our children aware of the world around them. For the past year, I have been happier than I ever have been in my life, yet I have also felt I was fighting a losing battle. A battle of sleep, stress and hormones. Lately, things have been changing. Kahlo sleeps through the night (mostly), Amy and I have re-found one another, I am settling into my new job and the older kids have settled in to their place in our newly enlarged family. Our life is still to some degree in chaos. The details are all running smooth – but after a year of so little time, so little sleep and so much change, Amy and I find ourselves with minds that wont stop, with list after list of things we want to do…with each other, with ourselves and with our children. All of these things are part of why we each decided to write a blog. To keep up with all of the wonderful things in our lives and to have an outlet to express all of the inner ramblings of our minds. With everything that daily life demands, our blog has gone to the back of the day to day to-do list. Last night, we made a promise to one another that we would make one post a day for the next 30 days. Here is mine. Post 1. I have no clue what I will post about daily. I ask that you keep in mind I am a visual artist – not a writer.

I love her mischievous eyes