Resignation notice: effective immediately

This was written at approximately 10:46 a.m.

Dear Family,

While you [my perfect family] were leisurely eating cinnamon toast I was sitting on a freeway filled with construction for 1.5 hours. [stupid construction]

While you are (at this very moment) blowing air bubbles, amusing children, channel surfing or doing whatever it is one does on a Saturday morning, I am being lectured on the importance of composition functions from a NASA engineer. [bleh]

When you (all of you) begin to notice a grumble deep within your stomachs, I will be staying late after class making up this mornings test. [damn construction]

While I sit here…slightly irritated, largely frustrated [stupid, stupid construction] I have come to a very important decision… I quit. I quit all things that make me a productive member of this family. I am going back to being a slacker. For this I offer no apology.

BT can write all my future papers, Pi can take over all the fix-it/handy work, Kahlo can reduce stress and add humor, Haley can tend to the yard work and Amy (my beautiful , beautiful wife) can take over all things algebraic. We will have to order out dinner nightly as none of you can be trusted with my beloved spices and cookware.

If anyone needs me I may be found lounging in the backyard hammock with an Iced Hazelnut latte casually reading a long book about someone elses struggles in life.

Please do not interrupt said lounging without proof of fire, blood or vomit.

P.S.

The fact that in reality you spent the morning with a fussy baby cleaning house all day after a night of no sleep, offers no condolence to me and should not be brought up in defense under any circumstance. I am bitter. I am very very bitter. [damn damn stupid construction. ]